I Never Knew Her Name
by Dakota-Jones
Summary: Skittery meets a girl- but this is no ordinary girl. She's dying. Can a person with nothing left to give but her word give Skittery hope for his own life? Can he possibly understand? * Not a romance! * * Completed! *
1. Meetings

AN: Okay, this is going to be a very serious piece, but not a romance. It's gonna have a whole lot of deep issues in it, so reader beware if you hate trying to wrap your mind around controversial and/or confusing stuff!

Summary: Medda's niece, a newsie from Chicago, comes backs to NYC- and she's dying. But from the words of a person who has nothing else to give, can Skittery gain hope for his own life?

            "Thanks for helping me clean up the place, Skittery. It's always so messy after a show."

            I set another empty box aside, and then picked up another one. "No problem. Where do ya want dis one?"

            She opened the lid and studied the contents, and then shrugged. "Take it down the hall. Second door on your right."

            I turned and adjusted the heavy box in my arms, and then headed down the hallway, lost in my own thoughts. And by the time I got to the second door, I couldn't remember whether she had said 'right' or 'left'.

            _You're always daydreamin', ya bum, I thought as I gently pushed open the door to the left._

            I froze as I noticed that there was a bed in here- but the room was so dark, I couldn't see much else. I could see a silhouette of a person who I assumed was sleeping, but then they began coughing, and I shut the door as quickly and quietly as possible.

            _Well…at least I know that she said 'right'._

            I turned around and pushed the right door open, dropping the box in what turned out to be a large storage closet. But my mind, again, had begun to wander, and I closed the closet and stood staring at the other door.

            Why was Medda keeping someone here, backstage? Were they sick? And who were they?

            "You went in the wrong door, didn't you?"

            I jumped about a foot in the air as Medda just seemed to appear out of thin air beside me. "Well, I…um…yeah. I did…Who is dat?"

            Medda sighed deeply. She didn't seem to want to talk about it. "She's my niece from Chicago."

            "Is she sick?"

            "She's dying. I didn't tell you guys about her because I didn't want you to meet her only to have her die days later. You have enough death around as it is."

            "Can I…"

            Medda raised an eyebrow and I lost the guts to ask, lowering my head and walking past her to go sort more boxes.

            "You can go in and see her, if you like. I'm sure she wouldn't mind the company."

            I stopped and turned around, and Medda motioned to the door, forcing a smile. I headed back and took a deep breath before walking in and shutting the door behind me.

            The room was very dark. The only light came through the yellowed blinds on the window, highlighting the burgundy shades of the curtains and carpet. There had to be at least a dozen books lying on the nightstand beside the bed, all of them about the size of a dictionary.

            "Medda?"

            I wasn't quite sure if I'd actually heard someone speak- the voice was so quiet and fragile, almost like dragging a feather across glass. 

            "No…I's a friend of Medda's." I said, sitting down in a wooden chair beside the bed. It smelled musky in here, and I realized that it had probably been a storage room that was converted into a bedroom when this girl came.

            "Oh…you're a newsie?"

            "How'd ya know?"

            She laughed, which only made her cough again. "You've got ink all over your hands."

            She was right. Talk about observant.

            I looked at her closer. She was very pale, probably from being sick. Her dark brown hair was pulled into a ponytail, and her green eyes glittered when the light caught them. _She was probably beautiful before she got sick, _I thought as I watched her shift uncomfortably under my gaze. I realized I was staring and quickly looked away, pretending to be studying the titles of the books.

            "I was a newsie. Back in Chicago."

            "Really?"

            "Yeah. In between shows, at least. I was-" she coughed a few more times, and I cringed. "A singer. I sang in vaudeville."

            "So…why'd ya come ta New York?"

            The smile disappeared from her face. "I found out I was dying. I wanted to be close to relatives, so they wouldn't…just bury me nameless."

            Silence fell for a moment. A stale, uncomfortable silence. "Shouldn't we be exchangin' names?" I asked, and she smiled.

            "Are names really that important?"

            "I jest…"

            "I'd rather not know your name. It won't ever do you justice. Mine never did."

            Okay, no names. I can deal with that…I think. This was one weird girl.

            "You don't seem happy." She noted, her gaze bearing down on me like moonlight- always there, but never noticed. Unappreciated.

            "I ain't nevah happy. That's jest da way I am." I muttered, finding something interesting to look at on the floor.

            "Do you have friends?"

            "Yeah."

            "Do you have change in your pockets?"

            I had to think for a second on that one. "Yeah."

            "Do you have a place to call home?"

            The lodging house, definitely. "Yeah."

            "Do you have people who love you?"

            Oh, God. The other guys were my friends, but did they _love me? _

            I knew the answer to that one. "Yeah."

            "_Then why the hell aren't you happy?" she hissed._

            I was taken aback by the tone of her voice. She had gone from childlike to sounding like my father in about two seconds, and it scared me. 

            "I…I don't know."

            She fell silent, and I felt horrible. I don't know why, but I just felt guilty about walking in here and ending up having a dying person tell me how messed up I am. I opened my mouth to say something, and then decided against it.

            "I'm sorry." I whispered, not really sure what else to say.

            "Sorry for what?"

            "I don't know, jest…"

            "There's a lot of stuff you don't know, isn't there?"

            I let that one drop. That remark made me mad, and I didn't want to snap at a person who was lying on their deathbed. 

            She coughed, and then looked up at me again. "You're very handsome, you know that?"

            Well, that left me speechless. I wasn't quite sure what she wanted me to say to that.

            Suddenly the door opened, and Medda popped her head in. "The other boys are waiting on you. They're headed out to Tibby's."

            I nodded. "I'll be out in a second."

            I stood up and adjusted my hat, and the girl looked up at me with an expression I couldn't read. 

            "Will you come back tomorrow?"

            I calculated the money in my head, and eventually decided that I'd have enough extra to take off the evening edition tomorrow. "Sure."

            "Do you promise?"

            "I promise."

            I could tell she didn't believe me. She looked toward the window, avoiding looking at me as I turned toward the door.

_I can't leave her like this_, I thought. I turned around and pulled out my pocket watch, a watch that the other newsies had all pitched in and got me as a Christmas present. I pressed it into her hand, and she looked at it in confusion.

            "This watch is very important to me…it was a gift from my friends. I want you to keep it, until…well, I'll have to come back for it. I promise."

            She understood that. She clenched it in her fist and nodded, and I left to go join my fellow newsies. 

AN: So, what do you think? Review, people!


	2. Hats and Happiness

AN: Chapter 2- read and review

PS: I won't have much to say in my AN for this fic because when I write depressing fics I don't feel like talking…so just bare with me…

            I came back the next day, as promised. Medda seemed to be expecting me, and simply waved me back. I took off my hat as I walked down the hallway, taking a deep breath before I stepped into the room.

            "It's me." I said as she lifted her head to look. She laid her head back down, and I could tell she was worse than yesterday. She smiled at me as I sat down and laid my hat on the nightstand. 

            "You came back."

            "Well, I promised, didn't I?"

            She laughed. "I think you just came for your watch."

            "You'll jest have ta take my word for it. It wasn't jest for da watch. Trust me."

            She nodded, and then reached out her hand, offering my watch back to me. There was a deep imprint in her hand where it was sitting- she'd either been squeezing it really tight or she'd held it all night like that.

            "You keep it. I'll tell ya when I want it back."

            "Thank you." She said, closing her fist around it again.

            Another silence, but this one was much less awkward than the ones yesterday. I guess she accepts silence as a part of normal conversation.

            "So what are all these books?" I asked, gesturing to the stack of books that had grown by three overnight.

            She reached up and pulled one down, gently stroking the cover. "They're the classics. Great works of art." She pushed herself up until she was sitting up, propped by lots of pillows. "Why don't you borrow it and read it?" she asked, holding it out to me.

            "I…I really can't." I said, noting the embarrassment in my own voice.

            "Why not?"

            I looked down at the floor, feeling a blush creep across my face. "Cause I can't read."

            Her mouth dropped open in astonishment. "You can't read?!"

            "Dat's what I said!' I snapped, immediately regretting it, but she didn't seem to mind.          

            Silence. I could feel her eyes on me, feel her studying me in a new light.

            "Will you learn?" she suddenly asked.

            "What?"

            "Will you learn? For me?"

            I hesitated. I shouldn't have to do anything that she told me to. I didn't have to learn to read just because she was going to die. But then again, I knew I needed to. Maybe Specs would have some spare time in the evenings before lights out…

            "Sure. I…I'll try."

            She was beaming now. I couldn't help but feel like I'd accomplished something, making her happy in what were probably her final days. 

            "Aren't you scared?" I blurted out, and I was stunned when the smile didn't leave her face.

            "No. Not at all."

            I was perplexed. 'Why not?"

            "It's my time."

            "But you's so young!"

            She looked back at the window, and I wondered why she didn't just open it and look outside. "I've had enough life. I've gotta move on."

            "I don't understand…"

            She looked back at me, the smile never fading. "Neither do I."

            I groaned in frustration, avoiding her gaze. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that someone like her had to die and someone like me- who'd _wanted to just die for so long- was still sitting here, totally healthy._

            "You're very handsome."

            I laughed. "You said that yesterday."

            "Well, I mean it. But…you're not happy at all. I can see it in your eyes."

            "You said that yesterday, too."

            "That's because I don't think you quite understand yet."

            "Understand what?"

            She took my hat off the nightstand and started inspecting it, turning it over in her hands. I watched, curious, but decided not to ask.

            "What do you say to going out and burning this? Right now?"

            "I wouldn't recommend it."

            "Well why not?"

            I was getting frustrated already with this charade. "Cause dat's the only hat I got."

            "So it's important because there's only one?"

            "Yeah, I guess. What's all dis about?"

            "There's only one of you."

            "I'm bein compared to a hat?"

            "Well, obviously you don't have the guts to object."

            I tried to keep my temper from getting the better of me as she pulled my hat down onto her head. It promptly fell over her eyes, and she leaned back against the pillows. "I'll bet if I said I were keeping it you wouldn't say a thing. You'd just sit there and sulk through the rest of the conversation, and then you'd leave."

            "What makes ya think ya know all dat?"

            "I just do."

            I reached forward and snatched my hat off her head, pulling it back down on mine as she busted up into laughter.

            "Is dis another one of your mind games?"

            "No…I just wanted to get under your skin. You're funny when you're mad."

            Medda opened the door, her hands on her hips. "What are you doing in here?"

            "Nothing, Medda. Just having a few laughs." The girl said.

            "Well, laugh time is over. You're going to miss curfew if you don't go." Medda said to me. I nodded and stood up, saying a quick goodbye. Medda closed the door after me, and then stopped me just before I left.

            "I just wanted to thank you." She said.

"For what?"

 "That's the first time I've heard her laugh since she got back. She really likes talking to you."

I nodded and walked out, running back to the lodging house and getting there five minutes before curfew. Not that I would've known- my watch was back at Medda's.

            I saw Specs on the way in, and the book he was reading reminded me of the promise I'd made. I sighed but knew I had to follow through- I may be pessimistic, but I don't break promises.

            "Hey Specs."

            He looked up from his book and smiled, although I knew what he must've been thinking; _Why__ is he talking to me? Did I make him mad?_

            "I…I was wonderin'…if you could do me a favor."

            "What?"

            I sat down beside him, not wanting any of the other newsies to hear my request. "I was wonderin' if you's could teach me how ta read."

            I could see the look of pity in his eyes, the same look I'd been avoiding all these years.

            "Sure, Skitts. Wanna start right now? This one's pretty easy."

            And so that night I learned the basics of reading. And I wondered what else I would be doing for this heaven-bound girl before she was gone.

AN: Review!


	3. Death and Hope

AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while folks….I've been…..preoccupied…….anyways, read and review this final chapter!

            For the next week I continued going to her every evening after dinner, once in a while sneaking a dessert in that I'd bought for her at Tibby's. She told me about Chicago, about her friends, and about singing; in return I told her about my family and my friends here in New York. And every night I went back to the lodging house and sat down with Specs, stumbling through sentences until I didn't need him to say every other word for me.

            I never expected it to happen that night.

            I walked in and sat down, and she looked as happy as ever as she put her book aside.

            "Hey there." She said, her voice weaker than usual. "How was selling?"

            "It wasn't bad today. Da headlines weren't dat great, but dat was easily fixed."

            She nodded and sat back, coughing a little before continuing. 

            "I…I'll be dead by morning." 

            I could feel my heart sink into my feet as she stared ahead at the wall, unwilling to meet my gaze. That wasn't common for her- being unwilling to look me in the eye.

            "How can ya be so sure?" I asked, my voice sounding too high and awfully pathetic.

            "I can just feel it. I just know." She turned to look at me, and I realized that she was crying. I hadn't seen her cry since I met her. "I guess I may be a little scared."

            I put on a fake smile, not really sure what to say or how to say it. "It's okay ta be scared. I would be too."

            "How do you know?"

            "Well, I…I don't."

            She laughed, which quickly turned into pain and coughing. We remained silent for another minute or so, and I finally had to say _something. Anything._

            "I'm gonna miss ya."

            Geez, Skittery…how pathetic can you sound? The only thing you can think of is 'I'm gonna miss ya'?

            "I'm glad someone will. I wanted to thank you."

            "For what?"

            "For coming here every night. For talking to me. You've been…a great friend."

            "Dat goes both ways."

            She smiled. "You know, if things had been different, I would've hoped to marry you…you're the nicest guy I've ever met."

            "I couldn't have afforded an engagement ring."

            "Since when did that matter?"

            "Um…I don't know…" I muttered. "But if it _had_ been different…I woulda been on one knee five minutes ago."

            "You mean that?"

            "Every word."

            She tried to take a deep breath, but couldn't. I suddenly realized that there were tears rolling down my cheeks- I hadn't known I'd been crying. She took one of the books off the top of the stack and held it out to me with shaking hands.

            "I want you to have this." She insisted, and I took the book from her, carefully sounding out the title inside my head. _Romeo and Juliet. She put her hand over mine on the book, struggling to make out words. "I left a note inside it…and on the inside cover…cause I wasn't really sure if you really did learn how to read…for me…or not."_

            "Aw…ya don't trust me?"

            "Of course I do. I just…knew it would annoy you to…think I didn't."

            She started coughing again, and I set the book in my lap and pulled her into a tight hug as she recovered.

            "Sing for me."

            I looked down at her in confusion. "What?"

            "Sing me…a lullaby."

            If it had been anyone else, any other situation, I would've definitely said no. But as I held her in my arms and felt her entire body begin to shake, I couldn't say no.

            I was surprised I remembered the words to the lullaby my older sister used to sing to me. And as I softly sang to her, I barely noticed Medda open the door and stand in the doorway, watching and listening.

            But I definitely heard the last thing this girl ever said to me. It was in a whisper, and I could just hear it as I sang. 

            "You have…the voice…of an angel."

            And then she relaxed in my arms, and I let the song drift off. I don't remember how long I stayed there. I just remember Medda helping me lean her back onto the bed, and then I picked up the book and stumbled to the door.

            "Skittery!"

            I turned around and Medda was holding out my pocket watch to me. I took it and smiled at her, and then started to make my way back to the lodging house. I didn't want to have to mess with spending an hour deciphering her messages, and I figured she wouldn't mind if I had Specs read them to me as long as I finished learning how to read eventually.

            I knew it was long past curfew, but I pulled out my pocket watch and flipped it open to check the time anyway. And there on the inside of the cover, engraved in the simple gold were five simple words.

            _Though death part us, have eternal hope._

I smiled and closed it, even forgetting to check the time as I slid it back into my pocket. Kloppman didn't say anything as I made my way back into the lodging house, only giving me a discerning look as I made my way up the stairs. He can always tell when you have a good enough excuse even if you don't say a word. 

            "Specs?" I asked gently, and he looked up from the game of poker they had going. He immediately knew something was up and handed his cards off to Dutchy, who was already panicking at trying one hand.

"Specs! I can't play two hands at once…I can't even play one at once…" Dutchy whined, and Specs just laughed.

            "Yeah?" he asked as we sat down on his bunk. I pulled the note out of the cover of the book and handed it to him as I said, "Could ya read this ta me?"

            He looked down at the first sentence and burst out laughing.

            "What's so funny?" I demanded.

            "Sorry. Can't read it for ya. Not past da first sentence, anyway." 

            "Why not? What's it say?"

            He turned his attention back to the note and smiled as he read the first line. "It says, 'Get da lazy bum ta read da note himself'."

            "It does not!"

            "Would I lie to you? It says right here, black and white, you gotta read it all by yourself!"

            I grabbed the note back from him and mouthed out the first line. By the time I was done I could already feel a blush creeping across my cheeks: it _did say that. I looked up to say something to Specs, but he was gone, back at his poker game and relieving Dutchy of his unbearable burden._

            I looked back down at the note and sighed heavily. She knew me too well. I would just have to read it alone. I jumped back up to my bunk and laid down on my stomach, concentrating on the neat script below the first line.

_My friend, _

_            Sorry about the first line. I really didn't mean to call you a lazy bum…I was just getting my point across._

_            If you're reading this, I'm probably already gone. I can only hope that you were there for me…I promised myself I wouldn't let go without talking to you one last time. You've been the greatest friend I've ever had, even if it was in my last leg of life. You're an intelligent, respectable, handsome young man with a bright smile and an even brighter future. And whoever you find to share your vows with will be the luckiest lady on the face of the Earth._

_            I'm going to miss you, even in heaven. And I know that at times it may seem like the world is against you, and that you have no hope left…but keep going. Just remember that you'll always have your friends, and I'll always be watching over you. I cared in life, and I care in death. And when we meet again, I promise you…the first thing I'll do is steal your hat, just to annoy you. Just because you're very cute when you're mad._

_                                                                                  All my love, for all eternity_

            I folded the note back up and put it back in the cover, almost forgetting the note on the inside of the cover. My eyes were hurting after all this reading, but I knew that if she wrote it directly in the book, it had to be important.

            "_What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet!"_

I didn't really understand it, but I got the general idea of it. It was just like she had said, only in a whole lot fancier writing.

            Are names really all that important?

**The End**

AN: Voila! Alright, review before I send Skittery to beat you with a very large stick! Not really….cause if I had Skittery, he'd be staying right here with me! * snickers evilly *

Oh, and the whole marriage thing in the middle? My friend told me it sounded like romance, but I thought it sounded more like two really good friends trying to find a way to say how much they're gonna miss each other and not really knowing how else to put it…maybe it's just my weird mind at it again…yeah…I'll shut up now… 


End file.
